Listen Like You Mean It: Reclaiming the Lost Art of True Connection | Ximena Vengoechea

“Full of revealing, instantly applicable ideas for leveraging your strengths and overcoming your weaknesses.”
—Adam Grant, author of Think Again and Originals, and host of the TED podcast WorkLife

For many of us, listening is simply something we do on autopilot. We hear just enough of what others say to get our work done, maintain friendships, and be polite with our neighbors. But we miss crucial opportunities to go deeper—to give and receive honest feedback, to make connections that will endure for the long haul, and to discover who people truly are at their core.

Fortunately, listening can be improved—and Ximena Vengoechea can show you how. In Listen Like You Mean It, she offers an essential listening guide for our times, revealing tried-and-true strategies honed in her own research sessions and drawn from interviews with marriage counselors, podcast hosts, life coaches, journalists, filmmakers, and other listening experts. Through Vengoechea’s set of scripts, key questions, exercises, and illustrations, you’ll learn to:

• Quickly build rapport with strangers
• Ask the right questions to deepen a conversation
• Pause at the right time to encourage vulnerability
• Navigate a conversation that’s gone off the rails

Now more than ever, we need to feel heard, connected, and understood in a world that keeps turning up the volume. Warm, funny, and immensely practical, this book shows you how.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"This zestful guide will inspire readers to listen better."
—Publishers Weekly

“You know listening is one of the best ways to learn and connect, but how much time have you actually spent analyzing your style and skills? As a user experience researcher, Ximena Vengoechea specializes in the art and science of listening. Her book is full of revealing, instantly applicable ideas for leveraging your strengths and overcoming your weaknesses.”
—Adam Grant, author of Think Again and Originals, and host of the TED podcast WorkLife

"Could there be a more relevant book for our times? While there are plenty of books on persuasion, none tells us how to influence others through the quiet art of understanding. Vengoechea implores us to truly hear other people (maybe for the first time) and is the perfect author of a book on why we should listen like we mean it."
—Nir Eyal, author of Hooked and Indistractable

“Ximena’s front-line experience as a researcher results in an impressive array of relatable stories and actionable tools to better understand each other and to create space for new ideas and honest feelings.”
—Julie Zhuo, author of The Making of a Manager

"This is a book about generosity and dignity, about caring enough to actually let the truth come through. In the race to build the next big thing, too often we forget to build the right thing."
—Seth Godin, author of The Practice
 
 “Listen Like You Mean It brings an extremely underappreciated skill to the forefront, and illuminates practical ways we can all improve, whether we’re designing products, trying to reach an agreement, or simply listening to a friend. The world would be a better place if we all developed a listening mindset.”
—Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy, coauthors of No Hard Feelings
 
“Being a good listener is a superpower—and extremely hard to do! Ximena shares with us immensely practical advice in a step-by-step playbook that delights, informs and inspires. A must read for anyone looking to build better relationships at work and grow in their career.”
—Alexandra Cavoulacos, founder of The Muse and coauthor of The New Rules of Work

"Listen Like You Mean It is a delight—a secret handbook for mastering communication in the work world and beyond, from a world-class expert who writes like a friend."
—Jake Knapp, author of Make Time and Sprint

"An engaging and approachable book clearly crafted by a professional communicator, this is an essential guide to listening to and truly hearing others. A helpful read for personal and professional development, or an unsubtle gift for encouraging more meaningful conversations."
—Adam J. Kurtz, artist and author of Things Are What You Make of Them

“A helpful guide to listening, especially for people in human resources or research careers who depend on keen observational skills to succeed.”
—Lea Berman and Jeremy Bernard, coauthors of Treating People Well 
 

About the Author

Ximena Vengoechea is a user researcher, writer, and illustrator whose work on personal and professional development has been published in Inc., The Washington Post, Newsweek, Fast Company, and on The Muse. An experienced manager, she previously workedat Pinterest, LinkedIn, and Twitter. She currently lives in San Francisco with her family.